We had been in a straight legged, teeth grinding Boat pose for about a minute when the teacher said, “You’re doing great! Keep it up for another 10 breaths! You can do it! Just think how much better that cream is gonna taste in your coffee this morning when you’ve earned it!”
My inspiration evaporated.
Will the cream in my hypothetical coffee be less wonderful if I don’t do Boat pose for another 10 breaths? Should I feel guilty drinking a full fat beverage without first earning it with exercise? Do I need to prove to myself that I deserve to ingest cream?
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I had some pretty awful but also garden-variety eating disorders as a teenager and young adult – bulimia, body dysmorphia, over exercising, calorie restriction, etc. They were awful because of the self-inflicted violence, and they were garden variety because, well, so many other people deal with the same issues.
Self-loathing around weight is never entirely personal, it emerges and is promoted collectively, from shared cultural values and media messaging.
When I started practicing yoga regularly I became kinder to myself and more accepting of my body – but it would be dishonest to say that my issues completely resolved. While yoga can be a refuge from the cultural messaging around weight, it can also be an insidious accomplice in reifying that messaging. Body shaming can easily go underground in the yoga world – neatly repackaged as the virtuous pursuit of health and self-care.
I mean, as a woman, an American, and a yoga teacher does it come as a surprise that I’ve struggled to accept my body? Despite the robust pushback against weight stigma, fat phobia, and agism in the yoga world, implicit and explicit shaming and self-harm persists, regardless of the glaze of bliss that gets drizzled on top.
As yoga teachers and students our bodies are central to our work and practice. Pressure to conform to societal standards doesn’t magically disappear when you step into a yoga space. Instead, it morphs into the exalted, sanitized, acceptable pursuit of health.
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Over the years I’ve had many discussions with my husband about the difficulty, as a yoga teacher, of walking the razor’s edge between the positive inclination towards healthy living and the morass of self-loathing, disordered eating, and dieting. Many times, he’s kindly suggested that I take care on that walk. Take care in how I talk to myself about my body, be mindful of how underground eating disorders masquerade as healthy living; and always approach my students with the same level of care.
Honesty, satya, is a precursor to svadhyaya, self-reflection. What practices make me feel strong, vibrant, and healthy? Am I practicing out of self-love or self-loathing? Am I beating myself up with yoga or learning to love myself through it?
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I haven’t conquered all the internalized culturally messages about my body - they are sneaky. While most days I feel pretty confident that I'm increasingly finding balance, avidya remains an insidious force. Some days I don’t even realize how the messaging is being reflected in my behavior.
Lately I’ve noticed a lot of ads for face yoga coming through my feed – of course, I’m targeted as an older woman interested in yoga. And while I’m sure there are many good, healthy reasons for doing face yoga, the messaging can be similarly sneaky.
Like yoga for weight loss messaging, yoga for anti-aging preys upon a cultural rejection of aging. It’s not innocuous – it taps into cultivated fears and disguises it as health. So I’ve decided to practice loving my face regardless. Thanks but I think I'll keep my wrinkles, I've earned them.
Part of my own personal growth process is writing about this stuff. What are your thoughts? Please let me know in the comments.
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Thank you for this post. I was student for years at this incredible studio. I was in my mid-50s. I watched tragically as one young teacher after another was gripped by an eating disorder. Having struggled throughout my teens and adulthood, I had to leave. First, because it was so heartbreaking to watch them all go through this and second, recovery is fragile.
Wow Denise. I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s really heartbreaking.
Thank you for writing this…. So important and challenging; to message to our students as well as live ourselves. I may need to read this every day.🥹.
Thanks Deborah, I’m glad it resonated, and it’s sooo hard, but so important.
Well said.
thank you!
You say all this yet you still continue to lecture, during your yoga training weekends, about obesity and how it will basically kill you to be fat (we’re ALL dying BTW, every single one of us will one day die). You’re clearly confused about health and size and, it appears, unwilling to update your languaging or educate yourself re: fat bodies. As a person existing in a fat body, the last thing fat folks (or anyone else for that matter) need is yet another thin/non-fat, white, yoga teacher saying she hates herself, her body and her size ALL WHILE PERPETUATING the exact fat-phobia you claim to not want to be a part of. You continually use words like health or healthy while only, and, quite literally, judging a person’s outward appearance. Insinuating fat bodies are unhealthy isn’t true and you could just stop doing that yet you don’t. All things bodies are not healthy either. Thin folks die at the same rate as fat folks. Maybe put that in your next lecture.
Size, whether fat or non-fat, does not play a role in health, at all. You call yourself an educator yet you’re not educated enough to see the dehumanizing words you keep choosing to use. How dated is your research? Better yet, have you done any recent research around this topic? That are plenty folks screaming about it, just like me, here.
Again, please stop perpetuating the hate of fat bodies. If you don’t have any fat friends, you really could use a few to help you navigate your blatant thin privilege. It’s really getting old and it’s been exhausting.
I’m not sure if this comment is meant for me or Rennie. But if it is for me, I apologize if I have hurt you or others. I am committed to doing better.
There is a very large body of research that suggests obesity is linked to a shorter lifespan and other health problems. I do read the research on this topic, and I do not cherry pick the few studies that can’t find a link between obesity and health problems. I hope you are a very happy and healthy person, and I hope you can use your passion to encourage other fat people to feel happy and empowered. Raging against an ally like Kristine and accusing her of hating anyone is misplacing your energy. She is entitled to share her own experience about her weight and appearance with her readers, even though it’s different from yours. Her story resonates with me and my own struggles in my body, and I feel supported by her message. Just because it doesn’t apply to you, doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the right to voice it.
Ha! You have nailed it! I am 68. I’ve been athletic and healthy all my life. Grateful my parents encouraged tennis, swilling, running, playing, racquetball and more. “Back in the day” girls didn’t have that many opportunities to do these things. There was the expectation of thinness and a certain look. I am now only 5’9”. I am pretty comfortable about my weight now. All my life I was “big”. Regardless of what I really looked like people said I was big. Now, I realized, that meant “tall”. Not, big! Result-still struggle with BIG but I realize my body is not big, I’m taller than most women.
I am 68, I look ok but, yes, face yoga has been a part of my routine I need to “amp up!” Or do I?
Thank you for what you do. I’ve been teaching yoga since 2006 a few times/week. Always learning and adapting. I appreciate you!
Thank you Yolanda, and, just so you know, I’m currently making a funny face while I type this to you. 😵💫
Thanks for the reminder. Anti aging has become whole market unto itself. Always implying that we are not enough, just being who we are and being happy to be enough.
So true, it’s amazing that we’ve gotten so used to it that we just accept it. Yoga is about being ready and comfortable about leaving this world behind. We will all leave this world behind, and yoga can help us accept rather than fight against that.
I love your honesty! Thank you for being authentic with us as your readers. We all fight against the culture of perfection every single day and its “sneaky disguises”. I long to be an example of what a naturally aging woman looks like. Women younger than me need to have a realistic expectation of what their bodies may look and feel like as they age. That includes wrinkles, gray hair, and yes even cellulite. I’d be lying if I said I’m comfortable with all of those parts of my body, but I’m also not willing to be in denial of the fact that we were not created to remain in these physical bodies forever. They are dying every single day. That’s the purpose of practicing savasana right? To remind ourselves of this fact. From dust we came and to dust we will return.
Thank you too
I have as almost all of us have been sucked into this culture
Yoga has proliferated it and provided through the philosophy a path to encourage a way out
To think the difference between knowing and realizing that I am and that that is precious. Not looking for what I think I need to be. I’m heading for 80 so about time
I have just read Unshrinking by Kate Mann and Can recommend it for all
Exactly!!! You totally nailed it here. Thank you!
Thank you for bringing this up and sharing your truths. It creeps upon us because the world and/or it’s culture has not changed that drastically over the years. We have to remember to take care of ourselves and not buy into these untruths.
This is so true. Thank you.
You gentle soul! Again you’ve brought to the surface a touch point for many of our clients and ourselves. “Practice loving my face”! What wisdom as I think about the tiny hands my granddaughter places on my own face- all she sees reflected back to her is Love. May we all see ourselves from the accepting eyes of a child. Thank you, Kristine!
Yes, all she sees reflected back to her is love. If only we could all see like your granddaughter does – the world would be a much kinder place. thank you for sharing Anne!
When I first discovered you online before the pandemic, everything you said and stood for resonated with me. I realized that I had found the yoga teacher I was looking for – I have felt a lot of judgement around not having the perfect yoga body.
Aw thank you so much Betsy, that means a lot to me. My husband likes to tell me that I have the perfect yoga teacher body – because it helps others to accept themselves as they are. He’s a good guy. 🙏 I hope other imperfect yoga teachers can feel that kind of acceptance of themselves.
A small story about boat pose with so much more that I could say…
I have been practicing yoga for 50 years and teaching for about 15. I just had a back surgery and while I was in the hospital recuperating I got talking with a nurse who – when she learned I was into yoga – said, “Oh, I just started yoga.”
“Really, tell me more,” I said. “It’s hard,” she said. Uh oh, I thought. “Tell me more, ” I said. “We do this pose -boat pose – and it’s really hard.” And I described boat pose, and she said yes that’s the one.
And I thought, what kind of a yoga class starts a beginner with boat pose with no modifications…. That pose takes a lot of core strength and a lot of awareness of your own body on multiple levels in space. I actually think it can be dangerous if the person lacks awareness of their movement patterns and possible underlying structural weaknesses and hasn’t yet learned to work with them.
So I asked her for piece of paper and pen and I drew her some sequenced stick figures of gentle steps to work up to boat pose from beginning to final. “Wow, ” she said…” pictures. Thanks.”
I sure hope she’s sticks with yoga. I sure hope her first descriptor word isn’t always ‘hard’. I hope instead she learns her own healthy edge and feels success and satisfaction when working there. I hope she has teachers who are kind and supportive and start from where she is and not from what a pose looks like on the page. That she enjoys the journey of self growth….
All so true! 63. Struggled with body image, eating disorders. Now I struggle with anger issues when cookies are presented at gatherings about “Next Steps in Selecting your Insurance Plan”! Why cookies?! How about fresh fruit!? I love yoga, qigong, breath work and meditation of all types. I love my body now. I feel good in it. I just want our food choices at public events to change. Possible? Or do I need to change my attitude?…
I have practiced yoga since I was 23, am now turning 70. I started with sun salutation and Lilian Folan, then in my 40s Rodney Yee and Iyengar yoga and then in my 50s meditation yoga and now I’ve returned fro hatha yoga. Yoga is the yoking of the mind body and spirit. It is not exercise in the usual sense. I do a pose until I feel the yoking then the pose is complete. There is no repetition and timing like in other forms of exercise. Hope this helps to explain how doing yoga induces feelings of calm and peace. M
I love hearing about your yoga journey Mary! How beautiful!
Thank, Kristine, for always shifting our attention towards our spirit more than our physical self. I’m 77 years old and teach slow and gentle yoga 3 times a week, have been practicing yoga and teaching on and off for the last 27 years. I’d like to say Ive always liked my body, but that would not be true. But I have found that as I’ve got older, wisdom is kicking in and I feel proud of what I can do, focusing on the positive. Why did it take me a lifetime to appreciate capabilities and my limitations? Equal parts family and societal pressures that I put on myself. I admire young bodies and like to think I, too was young and strong once upon a time. And now I am older and wiser and strong!
Thank you Anaar, that’s beautiful!
Thank you for this honest and insightful post. I started yoga in my 40’s, intimidated by entering a studio where young, thin, flexible people practiced in body clinging clothes. I was fortunate to find a teacher who was in her 50’s and encouraged yoga for all. My first class, and many since, left me with a profound awareness of being in my body and its sensations, connecting deep to a place of acceptance within. As a teacher now, I strive to offer students an environment where they can learn to accept themselves just I strive to do the same for myself each day.
I do understand how easy it is for my disordered thinking about food/eating/body image to creep into my practice …sometimes my own observing mind doesn’t catch the thoughts. I appreciate you bringing light to this topic!
I so agree with you!
I don’t need to do anything to deserve anything. If I want cream my coffee, I shouldn’t have to do anything to get it.
I’ve never liked diets or exercising just so you can eat or enjoy something. I’ve always said that everything in moderation and that moderation is unique for everyone.
About the face yoga, nothing wrong with moving the muscles in our faces with awareness. That just keeps the circulation moving.
What I disagree with is this “anti aging movement “. What is so wrong with getting old? What is wrong with wrinkles and grey hair? I think it’s all a blessing! It shows that you lived.
Thank you very much but I’m going to sit back with lots of cream in my coffee enjoying my grey hair and wrinkles. I’m not going to let anyone tell me I can’t unless I hold boat pose ( or do anything) for 1 min plus 10 breaths.
My body , my choices. Your body , your choices.
Thanks again for your blog, which rings so true for this 72 yo practitioner. I’ve been active all my life but have required two total hip replacements, only 5 weeks since the more recent surgery. But I am excited to get back to working out, strength-building and resuming a full yoga practice – all 8 limbs!
My asana practice changes as I age, and I have learned the value and necessity of self-compassion. Thank you for your (and commenters)insights.
First thoughts-I don’t appreciate when a yoga teacher tells me that ‘youre doing great’, its not a performance to be rated and I guess that is what I’m reacting to. There are lots of other ways to encourage a student! Our magazines, advertising, social media and TV, film all lean toward the ‘beautiful’ people in the perfect poses in the perfect bodies. No wonder so many are moving about in discomfort and dis-ease. I have been blessed by two small framed parents and inherited their small frames. I have never experienced an eating disorder or felt uncomfortable with my body so I am aware that I don’t have the perspective that might be necessary to address these issues. I encourage my students to do what feels good to them, to move at their own pace, modify in all the ways that accommodate their process and let their practice meet them where they are. Yoga is for everyone, on so many levels. I soooo appreciate you Kristine in all of your teachings, opinions and humor. so grateful, thank you.
In my twenties I spent two hours a day just on my hair and make up. Thirty years later, that two-hour daily routine is down to ten minutes. I agree with growing old with grace and dignity, trying not to obsess about societal expectations. I feel more radiant after my yoga practice than I ever did with big blond hair and expertly applied eye makeup. However, my neck. I have neck firming cream, a neck firming device, I watch neck firming exercise videos on YouTube, I use a Jade roller, and all I can say is that my neck isn’t getting thicker.
I am an “old bat on the mat” and pretty happy with it. I am not thrilled with how my body has aged, and also find great humor in that fact- where have I been while this has been going on? Living my life, struggling, allowing anger to enter, working on self-acceptance, finding paths not taken, receiving great love, great joy and great laughter. My yoga path started late, and I’m still weaving my way around on it. I’ve added Reiki and am a Life-Cycle Celebrant- I try to be grateful for the gift of still being here and to SusanW- I don’t like my neck either- what’s up with that? Turtle necks and scarves are my accessories. Thanks Kristine for all your humaness- Boat Pose? Straight legs? whew! for even one big breath with straight legs! a new goal maybe. Thanks to all of the respondents, I love being in this community. Namaste’
Yikes…the cream in my coffee comment felt a bit passive aggressive… now I’m gonna go have a piece of apple pie with ice cream…I teach yoga to every body and have a designated ‘curvy gals’ class. Occasionally, I bring Timbits or a sweet surprise for after class. Zero judgement…enjoy this body, this moment…
I am grateful to be 76 with a daily yoga practice that keeps my body strong and flexible. Kristine your subtle yoga has helped me to relax into yoga and take the pauses to listen to my body twist and stretch. Find the edge and relax into it. This is now my lifelong practice, health and safety willing, to take me into my 90s.
Great blog. As a yoga teacher I too see the mis-alignment with regards to the body imaging that shows up in some classes. My focus for my students who are all 45+ years old is to empower them and support them to feel healthier and more mobile as they age. So much of the messages we receive is that “getting older” is the reason for so much discomfort and I personally have not experienced this to be true. I feel healthier and more positive in my physical body now at 49 than I did when I was younger. I too experienced a few of the garden variety eating disorders. Thanks for sharing your story. I really enjoy reading your emails.
Thank you Kelly – your mission is really powerful, thanks for doing such great work!
Thanks. Sounds like your challenges growing up were like mine. My mum, 86 years still doesn’t think she had an eating disorder.. was just dieting! Took me to be studying Physical Education at Uni to realise my eating issues.
Great examples of sneaky messaging. I will watch more closely what and how i say things while teaching! thanks for the reminder.
re kindness. can i recommend a cool book by my friend and Feldenkrais Method Trainer, Alan Questel Practice Intentional Acts of Kindness… and like yourself more.. Namaste Yogi’s
Yes my mother has also struggled a lot with food over the years, and she’s 84. THank you for the book recommendation!
I like the way you, and the commenters, challenge how my unconscious, or semi-conscious, biases can influence the language I use when practicing my own yoga or teaching a class. I’ve learned to make my language more inviting, inclusive and encouraging, and I think it shows in my relationship with my class members. I’ve taken to saying, “smiles make boat pose easier,” and they truly do, now I’m going to pay more attention to what I say when I look in the mirror. Thank you all for this inspiration!
I think becoming more conscious is the main goal of yoga – just being clearer, and clearer, seeing the issues, and working to make changes within and without. Thank you for sharingyour thoughts!
Kristine , thank you for this honest and important blog . I was nodding along every sentence. My heart aches for all who suffer from body image and eating disorders. My daughter has been in this vicious loop and it takes so much out of me and her to rewire her sensitive young brain trapped in it . I am now one who would scream from the rooftops to love your body , every shape , every size and revolutionize body acceptance always. As for the aging , I remember you saying something quite profound about it in one of your courses. Something along the lines of … getting older is getting closer to who you are. I loved it and wear it on my proud aging sleeve.
Hi Rimona, I’m so sorry to hear this. But, as I wrote, it’s so common. Yes, I think wearing your aging sleeve proudly is the way to go. I think we can feel so much stronger, more solid, and more confident and clear as we age. It’s a beautiful process.
Beautifully said. I was in the apparel and design industry for about 12 years and when hiring models for shows was amazed at all the beauty and also all the constraints in the 80’s and early 90’s that women experienced in that industry as well as in life. The American view of beauty is still stilted. I left that industry and was grateful to enjoy raising my daughter and move into the healing arts, I carried the artistic expression with me though! Now here is 2024 it’s refreshing to see things have opened up a bit, yet yep, we still have a way to go! Yoga needs to be the relaxing go to, to honor our beauty within and without, honoring our natural selves with love. I’ve been busy lately with counseling and quilting, still including yoga as part of life, yet expanding circles of gentle connection while also staying my own unique self. Years of spiritual journeying and service left me in need of restoring my own sweet personal self. I enjoy your work and honor your offerings. Love, Ginny (Virginia) McGuire
Thank you Virginia! I appreciate your thoughts.
It’s a fine line! I struggle to exercise, strength training, cardio, yoga. I force myself to do it to stay strong and healthy. I try to pass on the health and strength – of mind and body – to my students. Thank you
Thanks Maria!
I totally agree with you about keeping our wrinkles because we earned each one. Wrinkles should be celebrated! It’s a shame our culture doesn’t agree!
Thank you Kaoveri and very timely for me. As a mental health nurse practitioner and yoga teacher, I’ve recently found challenges and hidden ones at that. I get excited when a client tells me they’re practicing yoga at home and feeling better. I’ve realized for some people how this can be masking not eating lunch or “just an apple” and how hard it is for us all to see the damage we might be doing our bodies and minds. I’m seeing people of all backgrounds using yoga as part of their body control. It’s a challenge but when we keep discussing it and questioning motives and aspects of our society, we can grow.
Dear Kristine , I was nodding my head while reading every thought and feeling you honestly expressed. Pains me that we still have issues with our outer appearance. As a mother of a daughter recovering from an eating disorder I often want to scream from the rooftops to just love our bodies , accept any shape and size they are and to shut out voices that tell us otherwise. Re- aging , I believe you once said that getting older is getting closer to our true selves ( or something along those lines). It stuck, it was a profound message and I try to remember that it is so. Ps. You are stunning , inspirational and wise.