IN-PERSON COURSES
ONLINE COURSESAbout 15 years ago a thin, athletic woman Iâll call Kelly came to a few of my Tuesday morning classes. Sheâd show up in her workout clothes, sweaty, with a cup of coffee in her hand which sheâd sip standing up until I started the class.
A few weeks in she stayed after to talk to me.
âIâd like you to ramp up the class a little,â she told me. âI need to do more upper body work and Iâm not getting quite enough in your class.â
I asked her why she felt like she needed a stronger practice.
âLook, I run 6 or 7 miles every morning so I get plenty of leg work, but my upper body is not getting enough which is why I come to yoga after my run,â she told me.
I kept digging. âWhy do you need to work out so much?â Â
âBecause of my weight,â she said bluntly, with a bit of a “duh, isn’t that obvious!?” look. âI have to work really hard to stay thin and I agonize over every bite of food I put in my mouth.â
My heart went out to her. I remembered that feeling and I also knew how, over time, yoga had helped me to quell it. But unfortunately for Kelly, I had very little explanation to offer her other than that my classes could perhaps help her relax a bit.
But Kelly was clearly not interested in relaxing.
It was the intensity of her workouts (and life) that kept the weight off. Relaxing meant letting her guard down against the relentless enemy of fat.
I didnât understand how to explain the neurophysiologic benefits behind what I taught and how they differ from (and complement) those of strong physical exercise. So, after a few more weeks, I never saw Kelly again. I’d lost her to her anxious pursuit of an elusive ideal.
Kelly is only one chapter in a long book I could write about yoga, women and body image/eating disorders. There are so many other heartbreaking stories.
As I started to study neuroscience and read research, I began to understand how yoga helps to assuage anxiety and build a more resilient nervous system and a stronger sense of self, self-referral, and agency. I understood very personally how yoga practice can help free a mind colonized by misogyny and patriarchy. I began to have better explanations for my students that moved far beyond âitâs relaxing.â
Slow, mindful practice is a way to compassionately and empathically defy anachronistic ideals about women’s bodies that are so deeply and tragically ingrained in our culture.
Fat is a feminist issue and until we completely expunge the drive for the perfect runway model ideal, it will continue to cause suffering, and continue to necessitate rigorous feminist critique. Women are not works of art and our bodies don’t need sculpting.
Moving slowly, without worrying about whether or not youâll feel the burn, dissolve your thigh fat, burn calories, or earn the right to put cream in your coffee, is a compassionate act of feminist defiance. When you go inside and look at who you truly are and begin to understand your true potential and what you are truly capable of, you begin to unravel those intrinsic, imposed messages.
Slow is an act of defiance.
Slow disrupts the order.
And it is also deeply human and humane – satisfying, compassionate, nurturing, and healing.
Kelly will probably never show up for my class again and thatâs okay, people need to go through their own processes and I can only help those who are interested in getting help. But what I can ensure is that every woman who walks through that door into my class in the future will find a safe haven where she can begin to come home to herself.
I am a teacher of “subtle body” yoga and all I can say is that what is written here is the absolute truth–so mirroring of my experience as a teacher that it takes my breath away. Thank you.
Thanks so much Tara, that means a lot to me!
As a nurse and healer in New York who is not thin – I have one thing yo say – when are I opening in nyc!
Lois.
Aw thanks so much Lois! NYC could definitely use a hefty dose of slow!!
Thank you for this!
You’re welcome Debra!
Yes! Thank you for sharing. It is so difficult to come up with âright wordsâ in response to peopleâs deepest insecurities. I appreciate your insight on how to support each person on their own process. There might not be a perfect language for it, but coming from the intention of helping people find their way home and into themselves.
Gratitude!
Thank you Kaoverii for so beautifully and accurately articulating this feminine plight in a patriarchal society that tells us lies about our body image. Thank you also for showing me a way on this road less traveled to believe in my worth and to walk my unique path. We do truly find our way along the way and are all just walking each other home!â€ïž
I feel @ a safe haven location ever since iâve met you on line Kristine through the Subtle Yoga Neuroscience Connection. It doesnât mean to say that I do not climb stairs, do my own house cleaning, go out on bike rides, walk my dog twice a day as I feel itâs important to enjoy living. All forms of physical movement are important ways to keep healthy and Subtle Yoga and the Neuroscience benefit of structural breath development is an integrated practice that I need to keep moving at a healthy pace.
So glad to hear that you have resonated with this work Cecile! and I agree! I love running, biking, hiking, dancing, swimming. etc. I love movement practices in general! But I think being able to explain the benefits of slow is sooooo important – otherwise folks think it’s just for old, out of shape, injured, or sick people – and has no inherent or unique benefits.
Wow! So much more powerful than succumbing to the onslaught of the perfect body image! While holding space and compassion… thank you for disrupting the orderâ- itâs about time!
Beautiful! I represent the 50+, overweight yoga crowd, and I love it so much that I recently got certified to teach yoga, and have had a complete career shift at the age of 51. I don’t look like the “ideal” body type for a yogi, much less a yoga teacher. And I’m so OK with that!
I never cared much about societal expectations from women.
But I love your take on slow yoga as an act of feminist defiance.
This is a wise and wonderful post.
Slow and Steady Wins the Grace. One of my opening lines with students before I teach yoga. One can pick up a little heat in the middle of the practice so long as mindfulness is established from the start. Great work Kristine!
So much of what you said resonated with me and I am sure with many many others. When we can deeply listen and honor/love ourselves we are more likely to take better care of ourselves overall. I see this overly aggressive weight conscious person inside myself feeling judged. Working towards feeling good. Feeling my body , noticing my emotions around my conditioning and seeking connection to source. Still have tons to learn about the neuroscience but learning bits regularly. Sharing with my study buddy too.
Thanks so much Julie, I’m glad it resonated with you! And there’s always more to learn, but I find that I can also relax a little about that too. Its great that you have a study buddy! xo
I am a yoga therapist in training and every time I read your emailed content I learn something, I am inspired, my energy and outlook are renewed. I so appreciate what you put out there (and youâre a damn good writer too!) Thanks for all you share with your readers.
Aw thanks so much Nancy! That really means a lot to me. I love writing about yoga and I appreciate your support!
Very compassionate and accepting. Looking forward to your talk at the health center in the River Arts District.
I’m figuring out a way to post this on my FB. This is SUCH a beautiful expression of so much that plagues us. Yoga has helped me also on my journey to practice staying sovereign, believing that I have the right to my thoughts, feelings, etc., believing that I am worthy. Thank you, Kristine, for a beautiful article.
Thanks so much Paula, I’m glad you resonated with it! If you’d like to post it on FB, you just have to copy and paste this link. https://subtleyoga.com/yoga-body-image-and-compassionate-defiance-%F0%9F%99%8C%F0%9F%8F%BD/
thank you!
Wonderful article Kristine. At the beginning of my teaching career I felt I had to play to the desires of the students to keep the numbers up now I am a more intuitive teacher and each time I tune into the students needs it is always about slowing down so they can understand themselves better and hear their racing mind. Yoga too helped me accept my body for what it is and to realize that I am worthy regardless of my shape and size. That realization helps me now to intuitively eat and enjoy food without the constraints. And would you believe it the emotional weight naturally fell off as I wasn’t holding myself bondage to my size. Love your work.
Thank you so much for sharing your story Erica. I can very much relate and I think many women can. And yes, I think emotional weight off let’s go with emotional letting go. We are not a mind and body, we are simply one being intrinsically deserving of kindness, compassion, nurturing and love.
Beautifully said! I love this! Speaks volumes to me right now! Must share!
GREAT article! Thank you! I must share it to all the wonderful woman in my life!
Namakar Kaoverii,
tenho estudado suas postagens, o seu curso que comprei este ano de “Yoga e NeurociĂȘncia” e minhas anotaçÔes durante o curso que deu em novembro do ano passado no VisĂŁo Futuro … mas, ainda assim, nĂŁo me sinto com argumentos suficientes para “convencer” as pessoas do mĂ©todo lento e consciente … muito menos os mĂ©dicos. Infelizmente a “barreira linguĂstica” nĂŁo me ajuda. Dou alguns exercĂcios de interocepção que aprendi com vocĂȘ … mas, outro dia uma senhora de 69 que tem osteopenia me questionou se os exercĂcios que dou seriam suficientes para o problema dela … se ela nĂŁo precisaria se preocupar. Eu disse que o cĂ©rebro “gosta” mais dos exercĂcios lentos e conscientes … que a neurociĂȘncia vem provando que praticar Yoga lenta e consciente Ă© mais efetiva do que a “hot Yoga” … mas, que precisava praticar um pouco todos os dias … apenas duas vezes por semana, especialmente no caso dela, era pouco. Ela disse que pratica em casa um pouco, todos os dias. Mas, nĂŁo tive argumentos melhores para deixĂĄ-la tranquila. As explicaçÔes cientĂficas que vocĂȘ dĂĄ no curso sĂŁo Ăłtimas … mas ainda nĂŁo consegui memorizar tudo aquilo … queria argumentos fĂĄceis de transmitir, sem as complicaçÔes de nomenclaturas do cĂ©rebro, sem aspectos cientĂficos complexos … que fossem didĂĄticos e fĂĄceis de memorizar, transmitir e entender … vocĂȘ tem estes argumentos “na ponta da lĂngua”??Poderia me passar, por favor?
Namaskar Kaoverii!
Outro dia uma aluna de 69 anos com osteopenia, que pratica Yoga comigo hĂĄ um ano, me questionou se os exercĂcios de Yoga que ela faz em minhas aulas seriam suficientes para deixĂĄ-la despreocupada … na hora, eu nĂŁo tive argumentos “suficientes” para convencĂȘ-la … e ainda nĂŁo tenho. Acredito no que vocĂȘ diz e que tenha os argumentos … pois explica no curso que comprei “Yoga e NeurociĂȘncia”, explicou nos dias que deu Workshop em novembro do ano passado, no VisĂŁo Futuro e sempre afirma os benefĂcios da Yoga Sutil … mas, eu nĂŁo consigo memorizar aqueles nomes todos da neurociĂȘncia (sobre o cĂ©rebro, regiĂ”es, etc) … poderia me passar de forma didĂĄtica, simples e sintĂ©tica os argumentos que eu poderia memorizar e transmitir com tranquilidade para meus alunos??O que vocĂȘ diz numa aula para eles?Especialmente para aqueles que questionam a eficĂĄcia deste tipo de Yoga?Eu digo, por exemplo, e por enquanto, apenas que a neurociĂȘncia afirma que o cĂ©rebro “gosta” muito de exercĂcios lentos e conscientes … que praticar desta forma “promove” uma maior conexĂŁo mente e corpo … que traz maior percepção do corpo no espaço e em cada momento … que uma melhor conexĂŁo com o corpo traz mais qualidade de vida, pela maior percepção do corpo e melhora o foco … mas … o que mais vocĂȘ diz que seja fĂĄcil da gente memorizar e passar para os alunos??GratidĂŁo por tudo, sempre!
Isabel Nunes, Belo Horizonte, Brasil.
Slow yoga is beneficial especially as we age. Dealing with anxiety, hypertension and arthritis requires a more subtle practice. Slow yoga and restful meditation brings a deeper appreciation to my day. Plus I have fewer physical complaints if I do yoga.
Yes yes YES!!!
I have been in that womanâs shoes and, initially came to yoga as a âworkout .â It took a while ,but there was something about yoga that kept me coming back. Today, more than 20 years after I took my first class, and 11 years after I started teaching yoga, I still learning what yoga does for me, how it makes me feel good in my body. Thank you for this!
Enjoy your story! So true!
This is great. I am a yoga teacher. After I started working out in a gym, lifting weights “for my upper body” etc. I noticed that I was more free, mentally and physically, to experience yoga as…. yoga. This sounds ridiculously obvious, but believe me it took me a while to work this out for myself.
yes, but you’re not alone – for many it takes a while to really understand what’s happening via practice and then to see the deeper effects. thank you for sharing!
Great article. Although of course, what actually happened to Kelly and why you never saw her again, you will never really know. Beware of making assumptions about students when there is simply a lack of information. Your classes might have been changing her life before she was hit by a bus đ
it’s true! Thanks for your comment. xo