I inherited a class at an upscale fitness center from a yoga teacher who was leaving town. She was a firecracker – hilarious, strong, and precise, she was known for teaching vigorous flow and not pulling punches. I knew taking over for her wasn’t a perfect fit for me, but I was hungry for more chances to teach.
She warned me about a person who would probably drop out, saying that she’d told her she didn’t think my teaching would be challenging enough.
She showed up for a few classes – she was tall and wiry with short, graying hair, simple black framed glasses, and an athletic body. However she didn’t last long, after just a few weeks she dropped out. I’ll admit I felt defeated and deflated.
A few weeks in another person opined that she missed the previous teacher and asked me to pick up the pace. She let me know that she ran five miles each morning and loved hard yoga workouts. She also told me that she admired me because, “I think it’s great when people who are 10-15 pounds overweight hold themselves with so much composure.” After a few weeks, she was gone too. No surprises there. 😬
But while I was stressing out about losing those two because of my shortcomings, something more important was happening in the rest of the class: they kept coming back. And slowly, over time, more people started joining us (even some dedicated athletes who told me my classes helped them bring balance their strong exercise routines).
Psychologist Rick Hanson likes to say, “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” It’s so easy to remember the sting of those who’ve dropped out – and it’s even easier to make up stories about why – and interpret their actions as a reflection of your inadequacies.
So, I had to practice the alchemy of turning Teflon into Velcro. And I did this by shifting my gaze away from caring about why some folks leave and towards caring about those who didn’t. Like the person who told me that she got through her mother’s illness and death because of my classes…and the one who stopped drinking and saved her marriage… and the one who started playing with her grandchildren because her back didn’t hurt anymore…and on and on and on.
When I keep my focus on being present for and supporting the people who do return, I am a much better and more confident teacher. It’s also a huge relief. Thank goddess I don’t have to be everyone’s yoga teacher.
Teaching yoga isn’t a popularity contest, it’s a vocation – one that can be full of lessons. For me, one of the big ones was embracing the reality that some people need different things at different times in their lives – and that has nothing to do with me or my competence as a yoga teacher. Competence is important of course, but it’s a different issue. The ability to shift focus away from people who don’t value what you do towards people who do value it is essential for successful teaching.
When you teach, you put yourself out there – for everyone to project whatever they want onto you. You sign up for that and it requires a thicker skin. You have to let go of trying to manage anyone’s ideas about you. Those ideas or judgments or misunderstandings are none of your business anyway.
Letting go of an obsessive need to feel useful or loved or good or perfect and allowing people to evaporate from my mental space has been incredibly liberating – a mini mokṣa. Part of the process is owning that these are my lessons, my stuff – not the lessons of the people who come to my classes.
Recently I’ve had a few conversations with teachers who are grappling with the insecurity and confidence-dissolving issue of low numbers in their classes. As my 19-year-old son would say, “I feel you.” 🤗 I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to teach a one-person class and I’ve spent plenty of hours in empty yoga spaces doing my own practice because no one showed up.
There have been other times when I made the decision to let go of a teaching gig because there was too much output for little or no return on investment. There have been other times when I pushed through, did a little more marketing, called people, waited, and slowly built up the class over weeks, months, and sometimes years.
This profession is often a waiting game.
While I never saw the short-haired athlete or the 5-mile-a-day runner again, some people who left my classes for whatever reason came back years later – what was not right for them at one time became right for them later. And it’s not only a matter of age – I’ve had classes peppered with 20-somethings gushing with gratitude because they found what they needed in my teaching.
I think one of the most important shifts that happens in a yoga teacher’s career is when you decide to stop trying to make everyone happy.
If yoga has filled you up in some way, if it’s transformed you and from that realization, you have developed a desire to share your knowledge and experience with others in the hope that you may support them in their own transformative process, then congratulations. You have unearthed a precious piece of your svadharma – your purpose. Keep going. And watch with just a little curiosity and a lot of gratitude as the built-on-false-ground inferiority complexes and negative self-talk falls away revealing the light that you truly are – a light that is integral in supporting others through their own journeys.
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Kristine,
Thank you for this message. I’ve been teaching quite awhile now and invariably people disappear in the summer because so many go away around here. Each year I find myself thinking that perhaps I should suspend classes, but then there are those who faithfully show up and deeply value the practice. That keeps me going! Your thoughts on this are helpful to hear. Thank you, Annie Gray
Thanks for the timely article, just what I needed.
How validating and timely this is! I’ve been through similar experiences as a teacher, feeling not “enough” from lack of attendance when taking on a new class, or comments from studio owners and students who weren’t a good fit. I’m just so ecstatic that I knew I had something to offer and stuck with it. It’s true that we need to focus (like velcro) on who does show up, and let go of those (like teflon) who leave or are missing. Your messages are soooo important, and very appreciated!
Thank you! That was so helpful. I loved the student who commented on your weight! Wow. I’ve often felt that I don’t LOOK like a proper yoga teacher, but then I remind myself that my students see me as a real person someone they can relate to and I bring authenticity to my classes!
I am not a yoga teacher but a yoga student and this article certainly resonates with me. It makes total sense.
Namaste
Wow! I loved this article. We need to remember as yoga instructors, know your worth! We are ALL uniquely and wonderfully made. People will come, and people will go. But, if you keep going, keep believing in yourself and KNOW you ARE making a difference out there, one class at a time, this will keep you going. You said it, thick skin is needed. Not everyone can be a yoga instructor. The ones who are reading this, YOU ARE. So, believe you are for a reason. And know your worth.
It’s not about me I hear from my first yoga gypsy position leader. Or is it? I can make it that way. In early teaching gentle Hatha yoga as a sub before I built my tribe I was too slow. Needless to say I was crushed after talk with other teachers I honor my teaching style from my heart. I love it that way. I teach to the 45 plus even 93 age group, I’m 79 abd yoga teaching keeps me connected committed and true to my cause. Thanks Kristen I sure resonate.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and lessons learned. I’ve been teaching for 13 years and I have been making a steady shift to a more gentle teaching style. I’m so appreciative of your teachings to help me do this in an evidence-based, safe way. I have definitely had students who want a more vigorous class than I currently offer and had thoughts about how I can please everyone, only to laugh at myself ultimately. It ain’t gonna happen. I always say, it’s gentle but not easy. Even if one doesn’t find it physically challenging, there’s always breathwork and presence to practice. And yes, the words of gratitude from a number of students is all the feedback I need to push me to become more competent in offering healing classes that help balance strung out nervous systems. There are plenty of hot yoga and exercise yoga teachers out there. There is a huge need for what we are doing.
Thank you for this article I had a similar experience teaching at a gym because I wanted to teach more classes, my style is more slow and gentle while still getting in all the benefits of yoga! I was asked to make my class faster because that is what the students are used to. I only lasted a month and then focused my energy on the classes I already had and the people who faithfully came, so this article really resonated with me. It really helps as a yoga teacher to know you are not alone with these situations
Thank you for sharing.
I appreciate this a lot because while I am presently not a yoga teacher, I am in training to become a Qi Gong teacher and soon will have the occasion to meet all of this that you wrote about. It’s helpful to read about it now. There is much to ponder here. Thank you Kristine!
Kristine, subtle yoga is the right yoga for me. I don’t have to worry about pushing too hard in your program. I have trust that you are offering guidance in a sustainable, healthy practice that helps me cultivate my practice off the mat as much as on the mat. I appreciate how you teach what is happening neurologically and physiologically with the yoga practice Thank you and Namaste.
Kristine ; so well said; bravo !
Thank you for this!
I am going to keep this particular article you wrote in my back pocket, to read over and over, to remember to move through these kinds of times with more grace. In this moment, reading your wise words has shifted my perspective from “oh woe is me” to “let’s go”. Many things I am taking away, but this here is the lightbulb for me —When you teach, you put yourself out there – for everyone to project whatever they want onto you. You sign up for that and it requires a thicker skin. You have to let go of trying to manage anyone’s ideas about you. Those ideas or judgments or misunderstandings are none of your business anyway.— Thank you again, for supporting teachers and students in the eloquent way you do.
Very well said, Danalee! I 100% agree.
Thank you so much for these words and admitting to the feeling of vulnerability and uncertainty. We put so much out there as yoga instructors and truly want people to have a beautiful experience while working toward improved health and well-being. Learning not to judge ourselves is a challenge in this world where sometimes there seems to be little support and encouragement. Part of our own practice is learning to nurture our own sense of worth and finding our place. Absolutely love the Teflon Velcro imagery and will work on that. Continued Blessing always. 💖💕🙏🏼
Thank you for thais reminder. It has happened to me too many times to count. I love the Teflon/Velcro quote!
Thank you so much for sharing this perspective. Building confidence in this area, as someone who is still working through her 200 hour certification, is really tough, and your story has given me a much needed boost. I can begin to see how I can work around my insecurities and put myself out there, to pursue the vision I have for myself. Thank you so much; you are appreciated!
Thank you, Kaoverri. Oh how I
miss your classes!
Great story and wise words, as always! You can’t be everything to everybody. Impossible to do and it will compromise your peace. Thanks for the reminder!
Kristine, I appreciate these words so much. I taught a yoga class some time ago where I had very few students, but they were loyal and we were such a support for each other. When I moved out of the area, they told me that they couldn’t find another class that supported their needs as well as when I had been their teacher. I now market a slightly different program, but it includes some yoga, to schools, and I’m finding that this is also a challenge. Teachers talk about dis-regulated students but don’t want to hear that there are tools out there that can help. Slow and steady is my mantra as I work towards bringing empowering wellbeing techniques to a child’s school experience. Thank you so much for your wisdom Kristine, it has been of such support and value to me.
Thank you for your wonderful, timely perspective! It’s a great reminder of honoring my sat nam!
I love reading your blog – this really resonated with me but actually I always think that it is about the people who leave rather than me. It is there prerogative where they choose to spend their time. Also, when I teach a class to one or two people I always look at it as that is what those people needed me to deliver that day. An example of this was yesterday when from a class of 6 I had 2 people attend. They are the 2 who struggle most in the group and teaching just the 2 of them enabled me to give each of them more time. They were both able to go further than they had before and both were really enthused at the end 🙂
Great story!! Love when that happens 🙂
Your post is so very timely for me and for the yoga world. I walked into a yoga studio for the first time when I was 65, having been encouraged to do so by healthcare professionals. Though trained in power yoga, I became a yoga teacher two years later, determined to share my own healing journey with those my age, who had never experienced the benefits of yoga, that it was never too late to start something new. Fast forward ten years, and I continue to be on that mission, but now my reach has grown. Though the majority of my students are 50+, many are not new to yoga. They require the slow mindful practice I teach in what is labeled Gentle Yoga for many reasons at this stage in their life. Comments like “my body and mind need to take it down a notch; “I need calming movement, not high energy;” “This class was exactly what I needed;” and “You showed me that I could do yoga again.” I am thrilled to have Kristine and this learning platform as a resource.
Thank you for this wonderful reminder. I’ll reread this often!
I just love you 😉 Well said dear Kristine xo
Thank you for this wonderful reminder. I will keep this and reread it whenever I’m feeling doubtful about my purpose.
Thank you so much for saying this, it is so easy to be Velcro 🙂
Thank you for writing this blog at this time. I’m just about to start teaching classes again after a 2 year hiatus. I’ve been teaching for around 17 years & my teaching style is very much “Subtle Yoga”. Others already have opinions on what & how I should be teaching, so I just smile & nod, knowing that I’m happy with what I offer & that it is absolutely enough. Thanks for the reminder that, yes, what I do is just what I should & need to be doing, Namaste.
Thank you. Such a great article and full of such wisdom.
So encouraging and grounding!
Thank you!
I love how you could turn your positive experiences into velcro too!
Love this blog Kristine. I have been teaching for over 40 years during which time my style of teaching has changed as my body, yoga wisdom and experience (thanks to you and others) has changed too. How often do we say how we need to be mindful of how our body/breath feels/responds in this posture, this moment etc. We need to also practise this when teaching in order to be our authentic, non-judgemental selves rather than letting the ego get in the way!!!!
Thank you Kristine. As always, your willingness to share your experiences, negative and positive, with us is so inspiring. I don’t about anyone else but, yes I have “been there” so many times. I gave up thinking it was me many times, but as I continued to do my yoga I grew and had the epiphany you shared. Be me and let those who are seeking me show up. Be patient, loving, and compassionate to yourself while you are waiting.
Once again, I appreciate your sights and teachings.
Sharon Friedman
Thank you for this. I taught a 6am class at the local Y as a brand new teacher, and it was eventually cancelled as the 4 people stopped coming. I now teach a 10 am gentle senior yoga class, and people come and go; especially in the summer. There are those faithful ones who I cherish. There is Mike and his childs pose, which he says helps him so much. We all have to find our own way and our own style. It continues to be a journey.
I really appreciate your wisdom and approach. certainly true and resonates with me, especially at the current moment! makes me smile.
Thank you!
Really beautiful post, thank you. I’ve been teaching for nearly 20 years, and have found the sweetest fruit in the last 5 or so years as I’ve let go of worrying about the ever-changing landscape of my student numbers. A few weeks ago a long time and very faithful yoga student let me know she was going to stop coming to my classes in order to attend a class that was just across the street from her, and where her friends went. I keenly felt the loss of her presence in my class that evening, but appreciated her concern to convey that the classes she’d attended with me had meant a lot to her and she was very thankful for them. People come and go for all sorts of reasons… it’s my job to keep showing up, fully present and in my own skin to bring the best I can…
I 100 % echo many of the previous posts and I waited to leave a comment just to let the blog marinate a bit. I believe these words are something that we need to really embody (or that I need to embody, lol) because it’s definitely something I struggle with. I’m relatively new to teaching (about 8 years) and it’s my 3rd and last “career.” I struggle with “letting go” especially when long time students decide to leave. I know they leave for all sorts of reasons but I do tend to get a bit attached. Your post was very poignant and almost as if you were “reading my mind.” My attendance gets lower in the summertime and feel the dip, particularly when I look back at Covid attendance and the explosion. I will likely print this and keep it handy to remind myself that what I offer is enough and my student base is enough. Thank you for this very targeted post. Hits me right in the Anahata Chakra, lol. Thank you for all you do and for who you are!
Ditto ditto ditto 🙂 Excellent article & love everyone’s comments!