Magic is Kinda Boring (Holiday Survival Tip #3)
By Kristine Kaoverii Weber | December 31, 2021
Something that annoys me (and frankly I find quite toxic) about certain strains of New Agey/yoga world thinking is the idea that I manifest my own reality. Recently I saw a meme that said something like, “When you put out a strong intention, the universe has no choice but to obey you.”
Wait a minute – I’m supposed to be able to control the universe?!!😱
The Bhagavad Gita explains, “You have a right to your actions, but you are not entitled to the fruits of them. Never consider yourself to be the cause of the results of your actions, and don’t be attached to inaction either.” (2.47)
The universe is far too vast, and life is far too complicated for me to be in charge of the whole shebang.
I have no idea what my karmic residue is. I have very little control over many social and environmental forces that influence my life. Sure I have some measure of control over many things, but this idea that the universe must obey me if I do my intention setting right is toxic. What if I can’t control everything? What if my intentions do not manifest? Does that mean I’m a total loser?
I kinda suck at making things magically appear or getting people to be who I want them to be or do what I want them to do.
Intention Setting
And yet…
If I don’t set intentions, I can succumb to the despair that arises from a fatalistic outlook – I control nothing. I am powerless.
But that’s not true either.
There’s a balance here – between creating good intentions, and finding a way to be okay when things don’t go my way or I don’t get what I want.
“I just want to get through the holidays” is a perfectly reasonable intention.
“I would like to use the holiday experience as a chance to grow and learn something about myself and my relationships” is also reasonable, and hopeful.
“I want my family to love me unconditionally. Oh, and I want to manifest Tesla,” may not be.
If, when I approach the holidays, I don’t have an intention in mind, I can easily default back to previous ways of being and interacting which may have caused me or others harm, stress, anger, or sorrow.
But if I have an intention, I can hold it mindfully.
I may choose to write it on a sticky note, for example, and put it on my fridge, Or find other ways of reminding myself of my intention.
The main thing is to find a way to keep coming back (via the centering and balance I get from my practice) to my intention and to keep it at the forefront of my mind as I navigate through whatever the season brings my way. Here are a few of the questions I’m asking myself right now:
- What is my intention for the holiday season?
- What is my intention for next year?
- How is this intention different than previous years?
- How have my intentions changed?
- How have I grown?
Compassion
Putting intentions into practice takes time and practice. It also requires a healthy dose of compassion.
How can I be okay when things don’t work out the way I thought they would or I don’t get the Tesla? It’s important to cultivate compassion for myself and for people in my life who are struggling, even if they are projecting their own pain onto me.
If you do not have to deal with difficult relationships dynamics during the holidays – congratulations! I salute you.
However if you have challenging relationships to navigate, or if grief or loneliness are issues for you, compassion is essential. Addictive tendencies also like to rear their ugly heads at this time of year. Again, compassion is essential (and really good support and/or professional help as well).
A Metta meditation of sending loving kindness to all the people in my life, and to myself, is a powerful holiday practice. Simple acts of kindness also support me during the season – like taking a little longer time to practice in the morning, or bringing cookies to a neighbor, calling old friends, and/or washing more than my share of the dishes.
These are gifts, because kind acts create lingering feelings of santosa (peace and contentment).
Fail Forward
And…when my intentions don’t manifest and when I fail to be compassionate, or to stay centered, or to defend my boundaries, or fall back into old patterns of dysfunction, then the questions become, “How can I fail forward instead of beating myself up just for being human? How can I find solace in the knowledge that I’ve learned something, that life always presents opportunities for growth?”
The way I can tell if they universe is “obeying” me is that I am able to make meaning out of disappointing or painful experiences, that they wake me up just a little bit more, that I’m okay when my intentions don’t manifest, that I’m okay when my intentions change, and that I realize new ways of being are always possible.
Compared to this kind of personal growth, making stuff magically happen is kinda boring.
Please check out my free journal, Flourishing in 2022 here.
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Spot on Kristin! No more loud intentions, resolutions, expectations for me anymore. It’s all about growth and embracing the blessings and disappointments that life throws at me.
Thanks Veronica, I’m glad it resonated with you!
NamaskarKaoveri, I read your words above andI was in tears over an incident just before I clicked onto your email. I am still in tears, but I know that all things will work out somehow.
Thank you.
Love,
Cinmayii
Thank you Cinmayii! I’m glad you enjoyed it and I’m sending you lots of love and hugs. xoxo
This is just what I needed. Thank You
Thanks Joe!
Yes! Your last sentence really hit home. I hadn’t thought of it quite that way, but I think you’re right – it would be boring! Thank heavens I can’t actually control the universe.
Thank you Megan, I’m glad it resonated with you. Happy New Year!
💗💗💗 This really nails it. Thank you 🙏
Thanks Liz, so nice to hear from you! Happy New Year and I hope you are doing well. xo
Thank you for your wise thoughts. They are good reminders when life does not go your way so to say.
Thanks Inger!
Thank you! I needed to hear this right now, and I probably need to share it.
Thanks Sara, Happy New Year and feel free to share! xo
Wow! I really loved this. I have always found “New Age(y)” language incredibly frustrating, especially the suggestion that I could control outcomes. For me, it reinforced the false, dominant culture belief of “if you only tried harder”. Thank you so much for sharing this blog, Kristine. I am so grateful for your commitment to articulating the human experience and how we can support ourselves in simple, tangible and reliable ways. As someone who has struggled this holiday with old patterns, the gentle reminder to practice self-compassion is so appreciated.
Thank you Deitre! I’m so glad you resonated with this blog. We all could use a little more self-compassion these days I think. Take good care. xo
K – This message was perfect timing for me as I sort through my thoughts on intentions vs. just trying to stay balanced. A blend of the two is the perfect solution.
Thank you so much Laurie. I think that balance thing is so important right now – so easy to get knocked off! And yes, why not have intentions? even when surrounded by chaos, right? Happy New Year to you my dear friend. xoxo
Thanks for sharing your helpful insight. A positive but practical message that brightened my day!
Thanks Allison! Happy New Year!