Letting Go + Where I’ll be for the next year or two
By Kristine Kaoverii Weber | December 16, 2020
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about letting go. Mostly because life is forcing the issue. I keep reminding myself about a popular saying in the recovery world – “Let go and let God.”
Wish it was as easy as the bumper stickers suggest. But it’s freakin’ hard.
And my inner 3-year-old is having a moment.
This past month I’ve been in the process of reluctantly letting go of (in no particular order):
- Half my wardrobe (including the now tattered gauzy hippie dress I was wearing when I met my husband)
- My house (It’s nice, but there are lots of nice houses in the world)
- My training courses (which I’ve been conducting regularly since 2006, although my plan is to resume them in 2022 or 2023)
- My plants (they’re not going to miss my brown thumb)
- My Vitamix and Instapot (different voltage so letting go = no smoothies on the ceiling)
- My friends (I’ll see most of them again, but not next year)
- My cat (wimper – but he’s found a really nice, loving home so…he’ll be fine)
- My big computer monitor (Really? I somehow felt the need to put that on my list?)
- A lot of shoes (How many flip flops does one truly need?)
- My bed (I can be happy in many different beds… And get your mind out of the gutter)
- My cell phone (Oh good lord – get another one)
Thank you for indulging me in that reframing exercise.
I knew in 1998 when I married Brett that we might not live in the United States forever. I knew that our lives would always be a little bit up in the air. He’s from a small island country that’s far, far away…from everything.
When COVID hit he said we should go back for a while. He likes to joke about being a hobbit and said that he needs to take his family back to the Shire from time to time.
So, the plan is to live in Christchurch for 12 – 24 months.
I’ll still be doing all my online teaching (including The Subtle Yoga Resilience Society of course!) – but I’m taking a break from my teacher training programs next year, except for those at the Mountain Area Health Education Center (MAHEC), which I will be teaching virtually.
We did not make this decision lightly.
It evolved over several months of family meetings, working through different scenarios, and a fair amount of late night waffling. I have no idea what’s ahead, but I do have an intuitive inkling that this journey will be helpful personally for my husband and son – and perhaps for me as well.
I like clarity and certainty.
My inner control freak is not so good with ambiguity (and how the fork am I supposed to figure out how to drive on the other side of the road?!). So, this decision has been something of a crash course in letting go.
As I work on this letting go letting God stuff (it’s a process after all) the load continues to lighten, the fear abates somewhat, my nervous system reboots, and, in general, I feel a mounting sense of excitement and, ironically enough, a growing sense of contentment.
BTW, I realize how incredibly privileged I am to be able to live in New Zealand. I’ve had friends tell me that they are jealous and even angry at me that I can escape and they can’t.
I get it. I’m not complaining. Still, there’s a lot of letting go to do. Elsa’s been belting out my theme song this year.
You can still reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll still be blogging and teaching… from the Shire.