Gossiping About Andy

By Kristine Kaoverii Weber | April 6, 2024

COMMENTS

a photo of a man in a black shirt touching his hands together

I never told you about Andy?! I mean, I’ve talked about him a lot.

He was a cool geeky science guy – smart, insightful, kind – so passionate about health and wellness – I mean, he was a little over the top at times, LOL! But mostly I really enjoyed spending time with him.

We had so much in common. He’d go off on these long riffs about neurotransmitter pathways and dopamine circuits. He always had some new thing that he was into, like intermittent fasting, ice baths, or morning sunlight, or some new twist on optimal exercise, or sleep. He also loved talking about breathing, yoga, and meditation. I didn’t agree with everything he said of course, but he was interesting for sure.

Where did I meet him?

Actually, I met him online, about three and a half years ago.

No, nothing like that. LOL! I’m married and I knew he had a girlfriend. He was always very respectful to women in general, and also in how he talked about them. I trusted him.

He had an interesting childhood story.

After his parents got divorced when he was a teenager, he started hanging out with a rough crowd, got himself into some trouble. But eventually he found science and got really serious about his career – studied hard, became a professor. He’s got a lot of tattoos. But you would never know because he always wore a long sleeve black shirt – which I took as a sign that he didn’t want the focus to be on him – he didn’t want people to make any assumptions about him, one way or another – he just wanted his information to speak for itself. I respected that about him.

a photo of a man in a black shirt touching his hands together

Seemed like such a good guy.

One time, he was having a conversation with this woman, Sara – who is an incredible scientist, like him, so it was a great dialogue. But then it started to feel a little like she was almost, I dunno, flirting with him maybe? It started to get cringey. Anyway, Andy didn’t miss a beat. He was so professional – kept it all neutral and focused, like he hadn’t even picked up on it.

His vibe was like a brother – protective, friendly, and unthreatening.

Have I seen him lately?

Yeah well, so this whole thing happened last week. I found out that, yikes, he was dating five women at the same time.

Right?!

What the actual fork Andy? I did not see that coming. I know, I know. It’s not like it’s illegal or anything and if they were all cool with it, then… ew, blech…but whatever.

But, apparently… it was not consensual; the women didn’t know about each other. They say he was juggling them all at once, lying to them, having unprotected sex with them, ghosting them, gaslighting them. Eventually they all found out about each other, and they called him out publicly.

As far as I know, he hasn’t apologized – or even acknowledged the accusations.

Which is really weird and seems uncharacteristic. I mean I definitely thought he’d say, “Sorry, I screwed up.” Everyone makes mistakes of course. I just expected more from him.

My friend Scott, who’s a meditation teacher and also knows Andy pretty well said, “If I can’t trust him in the way he treats women, then how can I trust anything that comes out of his mouth?”

Hmmm, yeah, I thought that was a good point.

But it’s the radio silence that’s bothering me the most.

People who cheat have silence on their side – and women are expected to turn a blind eye on men’s bad behavior. It’s implicit – we’re supposed to be complicitous. Keep quiet like a good girl.

It reminds me of when I was in grad school. I had this amazing professor, so smart and funny. He was always showing us pics of his wife and baby – and teaching about social justice. Then, one day, this other woman in the class proudly whispered to me, “don’t tell anyone, but I’m secretly dating him.”

I had a hard time showing up for class after that.

I had a thing for this really charming, charismatic guy once. He was smart and very sexy. He spoke seven languages, had some kind of international “business” that he was quite mysterious about – told me it was better if I didn’t know the details. I met him at an ashram in India – and I was significantly younger than him.

a black and white picture of a spiral

One night he came on to me. It was like being seduced by James Bond. I knew he had a reputation, but I was smitten. We went away and spent a long weekend together. Then he vanished. I saw him a few months later at a retreat in the states. He implied that it would be better for me to keep my mouth shut. I was young, dumb, and dazzled, so I obeyed.

Andy is currently being a very buff, concrete wall about his behavior – he’s promoting his work and ignoring the accusations. Yesterday he livestreamed a beautiful southern California sunset. Silence is golden. And, just as his publicity people probably hoped, the buzz around the scandal seems to be fading.

While many of the men in the yoga world have been made to pay for, at least a little, some more than others, their sexual misconduct, this is different. Andy’s a scientist, not a purveyor of spiritual knowledge (even though he seems to always be talking about yoga practices). No need to apologize for something that’s none of anyone else’s business?

sunset on a beach

What do you think?

Is it acceptable now, in this day and age, to have multiple, unwitting sexual partners? Is this all just stupid cancel culture nonsense? Russel Brand screamed that it’s conspiracy by big pharma to take down another shining beacon of self-care.  

Recently a friend told me that the idea of gossip as a nasty habit indulged in by nosey woman was concocted by men in positions of power. Women try to warn each other, but powerful men demonize it as petty and trashy because it benefits them to have women think that talking about bad behavior is worse than the bad behavior itself.

I doubt Andy would get away with this if he was Andi. People probably wouldn’t give her cyber back slaps and joke, “Well, I guess that’s a testament to her methods!” She would not be congratulated for her huge, throbbing estrogen stores. Demands would be made, apologies would be profuse, and her career would probably go down the toilet anyway.

I have a bottle of apigenin in my cabinet. Andy recommends it for sleep. But these days, it’s just sitting there unopened – these days it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

(Need a giggle now? I certainly do – check out this spoof.)

 

Please check out my free eBook, How to be Trauma Attuned in the Yoga Space.

CHAIR YOGA FOR YOUR BRAIN & NERVOUS SYSTEM

SUBTLE® YOGA FOR ENHANCING TRAUMA RECOVERY

Five Ways Yogic Meditation Benefits Your Brain – eBook

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